1. John Mayer - Oh dear sweet Zombie Jesus I fucking hate John Mayer. Not personally, just his music. Although anybody that churns out the crap he does is probably an asshole to boot. In his song "Say What you Need to Say", he uses the phrase "Say What you Need to Say" over THIRTY TIMES! I looked up the lyrics, and it's about 36. WHAT THE FUCK?!?!!? Of course I have to hear it every friggin' day at work, and it makes me want to drive to his house and make him gargle broken glass so he can't hurt anybody with his music anymore!
Don't even get me started on his cover of "Free Falling"
2. "If I Were a Boy" - Is this Beyonce's secret wish to be a lesbian? If you were a boy you'd be a better man? You're so perfect at being a woman that you can now show men how worthless they are by being the perfect man? Plus, she sounds like a cat being strangled.
3. Live-Action programming on Adult Swim - You are called THE CARTOON NETWORK for a reason. Your live shows SUCK, especially "Tim & Eric, Awesome Show, Great Job". Who actually watches this crap? There aren't enough drugs in the world! You cancelled Frisky Dingo, Lucy Daughter of the Devil, and lost Futurama to Comedy Central, but you still have The Mighty Boosh, The Office (British)*, and Saul of the Molemen?!?!?!? BLURGH!
4. Dumb-Ass Grammar Mistakes in "Educated" People - You do not use an apostrophe just because a word is plural. Ex. I have two cat's. You use it to show POSSESSION. Those are my cat's toys. Also, your and you're. Ex. Your thirty years old. FUCKTARD! There are many more that I can't think of off the top of my head.
5. Unnecessary Facebook Updates - I don't care if you are watching TV. I don't care if you are brushing your teeth. I don't care if you are watching a movie with your husband. I don't care about the minutia of your every-day life. That's why I will NEVER have a Twitter account. I should start announcing when I'm taking a crap, or masturbating. Facebook and Twitter are for narcissists. I especially hate the "feel sorry for me and tell me how wonderful I am" posts. Ex. "I hate that I am always alone." Get over yourself.
*I do enjoy the British Office, but it has been out on DVD for years, so it's not like they're showing anything new.
ha! i love when you're bitchy!
ReplyDeletenow, let me just say that when i'm randomly typing online, i use capitalization for Mostly Look-at-me-ness, and i also make up words.
but, as a former english major, i try to use correct punctuation. it's the least i can do. no, really.
so if i eff up at some point, don't hurt me!
also, your moniker is hilarious! strike her, indeed!
That's my roller derby name. Can you see why I play it? I have RAGE!!!!
ReplyDeleteI laughed so hard that I cried.
ReplyDeleteThank you for an awesome post.
I am far from an English major, but I am aware of how to use grammar properly.
I had to pass the ECE - geez!
And I require that my math and/or science students COPY from the board correctly. I count off points if they misspell a word that they COPIED. It's only fair.
And I also randomly make up words, but these words are usually only useful to me. Usually only useful to me at that exact moment.
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ReplyDeletehttp://theoatmeal.com/comics/misspelling
ReplyDelete