Book 8 - Tell Me Where It Hurts: A Day of Humor, Healing, and Hope In My Life As An Animal Surgeon - Dr. Nick Trout

Awww, look at the cover. How could you possibly NOT want to read this book???

When I decided to become a dog trainer, a lot of my family and friends said, "Why don't you just go to vet school?". As though those two professions are the same thing. I help with a dog's mind and behavior. Veterinarians help with what is physically wrong with the dog. Don't get me wrong, I toyed with the idea, but after reading this book, I'm glad I decided on training, not vet school. Let's face it, I'm awful at giving my dogs medicine. Pill Pockets may be the greatest invention of the last thousand years. I can't even trim my dog's nails! (Yes, I know, I'm a hypocrite...)

Dr. Trout tells the story of a typical day working as an animal surgeon. His day starts at 2:47 AM when he gets a call that there is a German Shepherd that needs emergency surgery for Bloat. Bloat is a condition, common in large breed dogs where their stomach basically twists and flips so it can't function. It has a high fatality rate. If you read Marley & Me *spoiler* that is how Marley died. *end spoiler*

Dr. Trout tells more stories of patients and owners, some of which are sad, and some of which are downright funny. He seems like the kind of guy that I could hang out with at a bar, exchanging weird pet owner stories. I could tell him about the lady at my store that was opening all of the bottles of doggy bath spray and holding them under the nose of her spoiled Pomeranian so he could, "pick the smell that he likes". I could also tell him about the lady who has a Schnauzer that lunges and bites when suddenly woken up, but she can't bear to kick him out of her bed, even after he bit her on the face! Let's face it, we're all nuts about our pets.

My favorite story in the book was just a quick paragraph, but it was funny and sad at the same time. Apparently, after a lady's precious kitty passed on, she had him professionally stuffed by a taxidermist. Well, a few months later she took him to the vet clinic because he had a chronic skin infection. Imagine that scene in the waiting room! If this lady ever comes into my store, she will inevitably find me to talk to - I attract Crazy Cat Ladies.

Dr. Trout also talks about important issues facing both veterinarians and pet owners today - the rising costs of veterinary services, the explosion of animal obesity, and the upside/downside of pet parents who get their information from the internet. I thought this book was very informative, but maybe a little too technical. I enjoyed it, and it was a quick read. Anyone considering a career in veterinary medicine should read this book, it was very candid.

Book 7 - Practical Demonkeeping - Christopher Moore

Yeah, I know....another Christopher Moore book. What can I say? I'm hooked!

Practical Demonkeeping is the story of the demon, Catch, and his mortal "master" Travis. Travis was a seminary student during the first World War, and he accidentally stumbled on Catch. When he became Catch's master, he was granted immortality and invulnerability. The catch (pun intended) is that the demon never leaves him and is constantly feeding. On people. That Travis cares about. One hundred years later, Travis and Catch travel to the town of Pine Cove, CA. Travis is plotting to get rid of Catch, and gets caught up in the drama of the residents of Pine Cove.

I've said this in a previous Moore review, but his most interesting characters tend to be the secondary ones. Gian Hen Gian, the king of the Djinn, is hunting Catch, but since he's been cooped up in a bottle for two thousand years, he has no concept of modern technology. He becomes obsessed with the Marx Brothers because he thinks Harpo is also a Djinn. When Augustus Brine, his mortal assistant, explains the concept of movies to him, "he felt like he had just raped the tooth fairy in front of a class of kindergartners."

This is Moore's first novel, and sometimes it shows. Don't get me wrong, it is still well written and a lot of fun, but it just isn't quite as good as Lamb, A Dirty Job, Bloodsucking Fiends, or You Suck. I am definitely planning to read some more Moore for my CBR. I'm dying to read Fool, and the third book in the vampire series, Bite Me, which comes out in April.

Book 6 - We Never Talk About My Brother - Peter S. Beagle

We Never Talk About My Brother is a short story collection by Peter S. Beagle. Beagle is most commonly known as the author of The Last Unicorn, which is my favorite book and movie in the history of forever. A few months ago, I was fortunate enough to go to a book signing and reading in Gadsden, Alabama of all places. Beagle read a couple of his short stories, one of which was "King Pelles the Sure" from this collection, and it is definitely my favorite. It is the story of a young, bored king who tires of just playing war and wants to start a real one. You know, just for kicks. Quickly the horrors of war catch up to him, and he learns the meaning of sacrifice and redemption. It is beautifully written, like all of his works, and probably the best anti-war story ever told. It was hard to listen to it being told and not bust out crying in the middle of the book reading. Beagle himself broke down towards the end.

"The Tale of Junko and Sayuri" was my other favorite of the collection. Think MacBeth in Feudal Japan. It is the story of a lowly hunter who quickly moves up the ranks in the palace due to his wife who can take the form of animals.

"We Never Talk About My Brother" was the story of two brothers, one of whom has the power to make anything happen. Literally, anything, and if he makes it happen, it is as though it had always been that way.

"Spook" was cute. A poltergeist refuses to leave until he is challenged to a duel, but instead of weapons the duelists use increasingly bad poetry.

I didn't review every story, but overall this was an excellent collection. Beagle has a way of ripping your heart out, so this took me a lot longer to read than I had anticipated. I would like to add that Peter Beagle is a lovely and kind person, and it was an honor to meet him. If you ever have the chance to attend one of his book signings, GO!

Book 5 - Fade to Blue - Sean Beaudoin

Hey, this is my first book for Cannonball Read that doesn't have a subtitle!

I used to be a voracious reader. Then I went to grad school and worked two jobs at the same time. When I finally finished and had time to read, I had no idea what to read. Then pajiba.com came out with their list of "This Generation's Greatest Books". http://www.pajiba.com/guides/the-generations-best-books.php I had read about half of them, and I had heard good things about the other half. It made me motivated to get back into reading. Pajiba started doing daily book reviews, and suddenly I found books that sounded interesting. I would never have heard of this book if not for Nicole's review on pajiba.com.

I'm finding it difficult to write a review of a book that I honestly didn't understand. Fade to Blue is like The Matrix on acid. It's a book that you probably need to read at least three times to understand what the fuck is happening. Unfortunately, I don't have that luxury. It's Cannonball Read! I have to read these puppies faster!

Sophie Blue is a 18 year old ultra-goth girl. One year earlier her father disappeared under mysterious circumstances. Now she has regular hallucinations that an ice cream truck is stalking and repeatedly murdering her. That's about all I can discuss without revealing the plot.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the book. It was very well-written and enjoyable. It just defies description.

Book 4 - Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal - Christopher Moore

Jesus H. Christ, I loved this book! Or, more accurately, Jesus H. Christ made me love this book.

A few years ago one of my friends pointed out an interesting fact. The gospels focus on the birth of Jesus, and then you never hear another thing about him until he starts preaching, just before the crucifixion. Ever wonder what happened between the birth of Christ and his crucifixion? Lamb is the missing gospel according to Biff. Biff was Jesus's best friend ever since he stumbled on the six-year-old Messiah resurrecting lizards in the desert. Biff is hardly a Christ-like figure. He has sex (a lot), curses, learns to fight, and is generally a pain in the ass.

Biff was resurrected in the present day by the soap-opera obsessed angel Raziel in order for Biff to write his gospel. Biff and Joshua (Jesus's real name) grew up in Nazareth together and both fell in love with Maggie (Mary Magdalene). Joshua knows from the beginning that he is the son of God, even though Biff thinks he's nuts. Joshua realizes that he can't learn how to be the Messiah just hanging around Nazareth, so he and Biff set off on a journey to visit each of the three wise men. The first wise man, Balthasar, lives in a fortress with his concubines. Joshua and Biff hang around for a few years, learning about Taoism and other Asian religions/philosophies. Then they study with Gaspar for a few years at a Tibetan monastery. Finally, they travel to India and study with Melchoir. The boys, now men, return to Jerusalem and Joshua/Jesus begins preaching, gathering apostles, and well....you know the rest.

I love that Moore has Joshua/Jesus learn about all of the other established religions before starting his own. Quite a bit of Christianity has it's roots in other religions. Not all of this book is wacky hijinks. There are quite a few poignant moments as well. This book was a blast to read, and I am sure that I will be re-reading it again and again. Put this on your shelf next to Good Omens. They would be great companions.

Book 3 - Rollergirl: Totally True Tales From The Track - Melissa "Melicious" Joulwan

May 16 is my anniversary with my fiance. This last year was our ninth. His response was, "Sorry for wasting your life". We have that kind of relationship. Think Al & Peg Bundy, but with 7 dogs. Since I am very much a no-frills kind of girl, we really hadn't made any big plans. That afternoon, some of my friends came by the store and asked if we wanted to go to the roller derby bout that night.

My response, "Hell yes!"

Seriously, what better way to celebrate your epic romance than by getting drunk and watching girls beat the shit out of each other? I was sold!

That night we watched Birmingham's own Tragic City Rollers whip each other around the track, dodging blockers, and seriously kicking ass. I turned to my fiance and said, "I want to do that!" So in July, I bought some skates and started practicing. I still suck, but I'm getting better.

Rollergirl is the story of how modern flat-track roller derby started in Austin, TX with the Texas Rollergirls. Roller derby in the '70s was run by men, for men. The modern derby revolution was by the skaters, for the skaters. In today's leagues, the skaters do all of the jobs. The skaters do the promotions, advertising, set up the bouts, recruit new skaters, set up insurance, and a thousand other jobs. Nobody gets paid. In fact, most skaters pay dues on top of buying and maintaining their equipment.

Rollergirl also stresses the importance of creating a derby persona with an accompanying alias. It's no fun for me to skate as Blake Surrock. Ick! How boring! Instead, I am Boldly Going to Kick Your Ass as Commander Strikeher, #7of9! Plus, if I get too out of control, I get to say, "That wasn't Blake that knocked her down, that was Strikeher!" It's a great way to work out aggression.

If you are interested in roller derby, you will probably enjoy this book. If you want to become interested in roller derby, you will probably enjoy this book. If you don't give a shit, then you will not find this book interesting at all. That's OK, I wouldn't want to read a book about football.

Book 2 - The Loved Dog: The Playful, Nonaggressive Way to Teach Your Dog Good Behavior - Tamar Geller

Two years ago I had an office job, and I hated every second of it. I frequently had screaming, crying panic attacks on the way to work. I broke out in stress rashes and had trouble sleeping. Then one night, I woke up at 3 AM, and Fight Club was on HBO. Then the next night it happened again, and the next. I took it as a sign from Tyler Durden to quit my soul-crushingly terrible job. So I started looking. I knew office work just wasn't for me, and that I needed to do something that I would actually enjoy.

Previously, my fiance and I had taken dog obedience classes at our local pet store. We took the classes with our three dogs, and really enjoyed learning positive training techniques to communicate with our dogs. One Saturday afternoon, trying to kill time, we went back to the pet store to look around and ran into our old trainer. She was walking her foster dog, a beautiful Basset Hound, who immediately jumped up on me and licked my face. And I fell in love. She then told us that she would be leaving to become a full-time teacher, and she wished someone would take over her classes that actually cared about dogs. My response was, "Me me me me me me me me!!!!!!!"

Two years later, and I'm a dog trainer, and we adopted that Basset Hound, Murray. We also have six other dogs, all rescued, and we both volunteer with a local rescue group. Hell, right now I have a dog in my garage that my fiance found at work today. My life is dogs and I love it!

As a professional dog trainer, I didn't learn earth-shatteringly new techniques from Tamar Geller's book, but I do appreciate that there is another advocate for training dogs humanely and respectfully. How can you expect a dog to remain "Man's best friend" if your method of training involves alpha rolls, prong collars, shock collars, and outright abuse?

The first half of the book focuses on Tamar Geller's history. Tamar grew up with abusive/neglectful parents. She witnessed her parents abusing her dog when she was 12. She joined the Israeli Army and also witnessed animal abuse there. Then one day, she watched wolves playing in the wild. She realized that they didn't teach each other by bullying and intimidation. The older wolves trained the younger ones using playful games. She decided that she wanted to work with dogs, and opened a doggy day-care center.

The second half focuses on Tamar's training techniques. She states that dogs have seven needs: sense of security, companionship, understanding the hierarchy, surprises/excitement, food and exercise, mental stimulation, and love and connection. Then she spends several chapters teaching various standard training commands.

This book was very easy to read. I have read some training books in the past that put me to sleep. I really enjoyed the way she described the techniques, and why it is important to be PATIENT when working with dogs. That is definitely the most frustrating part of my jobs. It's rarely the dogs, it's usually the owners!

At the end of the book, she has a small chapter on Puppy Mills and the horrors that go on there. One of my dogs was a puppy-mill throw away, and he is scared of everything and everybody. I have seen first-hand what the effects of these doggy concentration camps can do. Do not EVER buy a dog from a pet store. It has probably come from one of these death traps. Please, please, please check your local shelter first. I can almost guarantee you will find your new best friend there. And if you come to Alabama, I'll even train him for you!

Don't breed or buy while shelter pets die!