CBR IV: Book 3: Pawnee: The Greatest Town in America - Leslie Knope

Holy Crap! This book was hilarious! If you are a fan of Parks and Recreation, you will LOVE this book. If you have never seen the show before, you will still probably enjoy it, but you won't necessarily get all of the jokes. Pawnee: The Greatest Town in America is written as a travel/information book about the small, fictitious, town of Pawnee, Indiana.

Leslie Knope is the Deputy Director of the Parks and Recreation department, and is truly convinced that her hometown is the best town in the world. J.J.'s Diner has the world's best waffles, which she recommends should be eaten several times a day, with whipped cream and syrup, and the raccoon infestation is only a mild inconvenience.

My favorite part of the book was where they showed all of the murals in City Hall and gave the stories behind them. This has been my favorite running gag on the show.

Sunday Boxing, though I prefer the original title, A Lively Fisting.

Pawnee has a horrible history. The town was founded by a pervert in the 1800s who ran away to marry multiple 12-year-old girls. He was quickly run out of his own town because of his refusal to wear pants. There has been a history of horrible relations with other races, especially the native Wamapoke Indian tribe: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2mK01Fec7zA . The town is basically run by the Sweetums candy corporation, which originally contained morphine, then Black Tar Heroin.

This book had me giggling, loudly, in public. If you are a fan of Parks and Recreation, I cannot recommend it enough. If you aren't a fan, what the Hell is wrong with you? Do you hate good things?

CBR IV: Book 2: Ready Player One - Ernest Cline

This is the first book I read on my Kindle. It seemed oddly appropriate since it is a techno-noir. Ready Player One is the story of Wade Owen Watts, AKA Parzival, a 17 year old kid in the year 2045. Most fossil fuels have been burned up, people live in "stacks" (trailers stacked on top of each other), and nearly everybody spends their entire lives sucked into the OASIS. The OASIS is a virtual world where teens can go to school, adults can go to work, and everyone can shop and hang out. Think The Matrix combined with World of Warcraft. Everyone has an avatar that they can use to interact in the OASIS. While connecting to the OASIS is free, traveling off worlds and weaponry costs real, actual money. Nearly everyone in the world is on the same quest; trying to find the Easter Egg that James Halliday, the creator of the OASIS, hid when he died. Whoever finds the egg wins the entirety of Halliday's multi-billion dollar fortune, and creative control of the OASIS. Parzival is finishing High School, and in his free time, he is an egg hunter or a "gunter". Halliday was an eccentric Steve Jobs-type character who was obsessed with 1980s pop culture and video games, so Parzival is obsessed with the 1980s as well.

While I wouldn't call this book the greatest literary find of our generation, I really enjoyed the Hell out of it. I couldn't put it down. It was a fast-paced adventure that really kept me on the edge of my seat. I laughed my ass off at a lot of the 80s references and in-jokes. You probably need to be at least 30 for me to recommend this book. Otherwise you probably won't get the references. I give it 5 out of 5 stars.

CBR IV: Book 1: The Night Circus - Erin Morgenstern

"The circus arrives without warning."

The Night Circus is the story of Celia and Marco. Two magicians who are forced by their mentors/masters to compete against each other in order to prove...something. Neither of them knows the rules of the contest, or even how to know if they are winning. Of course, they fall in love, but the story is about much more than that.

Celia and Marco are interesting enough, but the real star of the book is the circus itself. All of the decorations are entirely in black and white, and there are innumerable attractions. Celia is the resident illusionist, but there is also a fortune teller, acrobats, contortionists, and gymnastic kittens. After a couple of years, some people start following the circus from town to town, creating a "Dead Head" type culture that obsesses over every minute detail of every aspect of the circus. They become known as reveurs, and are easily identified by their black and white outfits with red scarves. I particularly enjoyed the "Midnight Dinners" hosted by Chandresh Christophe Lefevre where he and some of the other guests created the concept of the circus.

This book was delightful. The descriptions were vivid, especially the ones about the food. I have been craving candied apples and caramel popcorn ever since! Everything in this novel made the circus feel alive. It made me want to run away and become a reveur and join the circus.

I give it 5/5 stars, and would highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys Victorian novels, fantasy, romance, or adventure.

CBRIII: The Search for Spock - Book 1 - Walking In Circles Before Lying Down - Merrill Markoe

Woo Hoo, first book of the year. One down, bunches more to go...

Dawn Tarnauer is a 30-something, twice divorced employee at a doggie day-care. She has been in a string of bad relationships, the most recent with Paxton, a narcissistic DJ who hates dogs. Her mother is also a narcissist who flits around from one fad to another, her dad is a serial womanizer who perpetually needs a handout, and her sister is a wannabe life coach who used to date Scott Peterson. In short, her life is a mess. The only stability in her life has been dogs, so she talks to them. However, the big surprise is when they start talking back. After her boyfriend suddenly walks out, Dawn suddenly starts hearing the voice of her pitt-bull mix, Chuck, in her head. When Dawn goes to work at the day care, she notices that she can hear the voices of all of the dogs. Since she has had terrible taste in men, she decides to let Chuck start picking potential dates for her. Unfortunately, Chuck's criteria seldom aligns with Dawn's. Chuck picks out a butcher for her because, "he seemed humpy".

Overall, I liked this book. It wasn't really a page-turner, but it was an enjoyable, light read. Of course, as a dog trainer, I'm contractually obligated to like anything with dogs in it. I also just got out of a bad relationship, and am constantly surrounded by dogs, so I may have related to this a little too much. One thing that frustrated me was how long it took Dawn to realize her boyfriend was an asshole. As soon as a guy told me that either the dogs could sleep in the bed, or he could, I would send him packing. That's a dealbreaker ladies! I really enjoyed hearing the dog's perspectives on life and love - basically, chase the ball when you can and hump everything that will let you.

Cute book. 3 out of 5.

Book 15 - Bite Me - Christopher Moore

Wow, it's hard to write a review of the third book in a trilogy without giving everything away. If you haven't read the first two books in this series, you may want to stop here; spoilers are below.

Bite Me is the third book in Christopher Moore's Vampire Trilogy that began with Bloodsucking Fiends, and continued with You Suck. Bite Me continues the saga of Jody and Tommy, two twenty-somethings who have recently become vampires, and Abby Normal, their goth-punk, teenage minion. When the story starts, Abby and her boyfriend, Foo Dog are trying to clean up the mess from the first two books. Chet, the huge vampire cat is hunting down and eating homeless people and meter maids in San Francisco, while accidentally turning every cat in town into a vampire. Meanwhile, Jody and Tommy are still one giant bronze vampire statue. Wackiness ensues.

I adored the first two books in this series, but I just didn't love this one quite as much. I can't put my finger on it; maybe it just wasn't as funny as the other books. I loved Abby Normal in You Suck, but she just got on my nerves in Bite Me. At least in this book sunlight can kill vampires. It doesn't make them sparkle

Book 14 - Going In Circles - Pamela Ribon

Charlotte is a 30-year-old newlywed whose life has turned upside down. After five months of marriage, her husband walked out on her. He returns a few weeks later, but as she realizes she can no longer trust him, she moves out. Her life becomes complete and utter chaos, and she has two methods of coping. The first is to make a mental list every morning of what she is going to do that day. The second is for the more stressful parts of her life to be narrated to her by a voice that sounds surprisingly like John Goodman. In short, she's going insane.

In comes Francesca, a gothic co-worker who introduces Charlotte to the LA Derby Dolls, a banked track roller derby team. Suddenly Charlotte has a whole new group of friends, and a new outlook on life. Cue Lifetime Movie music.

I picked up this book only because it was about Roller Derby. However, Derby doesn't enter the book until about one hundred pages in. I wish the book had focused more on the roller derby, and less on the divorce drama. Charlotte was a narcissistic whiny brat for most of the book who grated on my nerves. Eventually she realizes that she is being selfish, and becomes more likable. When they finally did get to the derby, the stories were entertaining. I especially enjoyed hearing how Charlotte broke her tail bone. I severely injured mine and couldn't sit, stand, walk, or do anything without pain, so I definitely identified.

One stupid thing that I am picky about. On the cover, the girl passed out in the grass is wearing artistic skates, not speed skates. Artistic skates are terrible for derby. Since this book is written by a derby girl, one would hope she would have insisted on putting speed skates on the model.

This was a quick read, and it was cute. It might be great for a plane ride, but it's not anything I would go out of my way to pick up, unless you are really interested in whiny white girls playing roller derby.

Book 13 - Pride & Prejudice & Zombies - Jane Austen & Seth Grahame-Smith

This book has been reviewed to death for The Cannonball Read, but I'm going to put my two cents in. A lot of reviews of this book have been by guys who admit that they had never read the original, or even seen a movie of it, so they had no idea what to compare it to. I think they missed the true genius of the concept. The language is lifted verbatim from the original P&P, except every now and then the Bennet sisters must fight the hoards of the Undead. I like how Smith uses a lot of the actual dialog from the book and riffs on it, especially the very well known first line. "It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains."

However, what makes the book great, also makes it drag on and on and on. I have read the original Pride & Prejudice many times, seen 3 different movies of it, and I've even seen the Bollywood musical remake, Bride & Prejudice. I know how the story will end, so there wasn't really any suspense. I'm sick and tired of all of these sequels to classical novels, but the straw that broke the camel's back was, Mr. Darcy, the Vampire. ARGH! After a while, this just becomes fan fiction. Poorly written fan fiction. The concept is cute enough, but I was just ready for it to be over.

Don't check out Sense & Sensibility & Sea Monsters either. What a waste of time!