Friday, December 25, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Hey, this is my first book for Cannonball Read that doesn't have a subtitle!
Monday, November 30, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Book 2 - The Loved Dog: The Playful, Nonaggressive Way to Teach Your Dog Good Behavior - Tamar Geller
Previously, my fiance and I had taken dog obedience classes at our local pet store. We took the classes with our three dogs, and really enjoyed learning positive training techniques to communicate with our dogs. One Saturday afternoon, trying to kill time, we went back to the pet store to look around and ran into our old trainer. She was walking her foster dog, a beautiful Basset Hound, who immediately jumped up on me and licked my face. And I fell in love. She then told us that she would be leaving to become a full-time teacher, and she wished someone would take over her classes that actually cared about dogs. My response was, "Me me me me me me me me!!!!!!!"
Thursday, November 5, 2009
This is my first review of everything ever, so if you don't have something nice to say, SHUT THE FUCK UP!
This is my third Christoper Moore novel, and so far, I've enjoyed all that I have read. I read "A Dirty Job" last summer and absolutely adored it. A few weeks ago, I picked up "You Suck" at the library, and got several chapters into it before I realized that it was the sequel to "Bloodsucking Fiends". I hate it when I do that! Oh well.
"Bloodsucking Fiends" is the story of Jody, an attractive 26-year-old woman living in San Francisco that is attacked one night and slowly realizes that she has been turned into a vampire. Then she does what any of the rest of us would do in her position: find a minion to do her bidding. Enter Tommy. Tommy is an aspiring writer/19-year-old stockboy from Incontinence, Indiana. He's been in San Fran for about 10 minutes when he meets Jody who almost immediately asks him to move in. Wanting to get laid, he immediatly agrees. What results is a story that is part murder-mystery, part adventure, part romance, and all hilarious.
In Moore's novels, the main characters are somewhat interesting, but the best characters are usually the supporting players. My favorite is the self-proclaimed Emperor of San Francisco. He is a homeless man who defends his city with the help of his Golden Retriever, Lazarus, and his Boston Terrier, Bummer. He may or may not be completely out of his mind. When he takes the dogs on a vampire hunt, he dresses them in armor and brandishes a wooden sword.
It's hard not to fall in love with a book that includes turkey bowling, floor-polisher water skiing, and bronzed turtles. If you like books that lean toward the absurd, then "Bloodsucking Fiends" is for you, and if you enjoyed this book, read the sequel, "You Suck". I actually liked the sequel more, just because Abby Normal cracked me up.
*I actually finished this book a week ago, but my laptop crashed, and I've been sharing a laptop with my fiance. Today I drove to the library to write my review, so appreciate my committment, dammit!
Monday, October 19, 2009
4. Dumb-Ass Grammar Mistakes in "Educated" People - You do not use an apostrophe just because a word is plural. Ex. I have two cat's. You use it to show POSSESSION. Those are my cat's toys. Also, your and you're. Ex. Your thirty years old. FUCKTARD! There are many more that I can't think of off the top of my head.
5. Unnecessary Facebook Updates - I don't care if you are watching TV. I don't care if you are brushing your teeth. I don't care if you are watching a movie with your husband. I don't care about the minutia of your every-day life. That's why I will NEVER have a Twitter account. I should start announcing when I'm taking a crap, or masturbating. Facebook and Twitter are for narcissists. I especially hate the "feel sorry for me and tell me how wonderful I am" posts. Ex. "I hate that I am always alone." Get over yourself.
Friday, October 16, 2009
- Fucking Yuppies that cut in front of me in line at Tazikis. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE GUY IN ORANGE PLAID SHIRT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And then you cut in front of me AGAIN at the drink fountain?!?!?!?! I hope your kids put you in the state-run nursing home where they beat you every night.
- People who are wearing heavy sweaters, long pants, and flip-flops. WHY????? Don't your feet get cold? Are you some kind of alien?
- Purse dogs. It's a dog, not a cat. Let it walk around or it will grow up to be anti-social and try to bite the shit out of me.
- Alabama's dumbass weather. STOP RAINING ALREADY!!!!!
- Crocs. Especially winter crocs with fleece lining. On men. What could possibly make me want to fuck you less?
- People who say, "My dog won't do that!" Well they won't with that attitude asshole!
- Right now, pretty much everything and everybody.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
52 books in one year. Not that hard right? Only a book a week
Of course I work a billion hours a week, volunteer for a dog rescue, practice roller derby, knit, do yoga, and take care of my 7 dogs, 2 cats, and leopard gecko.
This may be harder than I thought.