Monday, October 19, 2009

More random crap I hate

1. John Mayer - Oh dear sweet Zombie Jesus I fucking hate John Mayer. Not personally, just his music. Although anybody that churns out the crap he does is probably an asshole to boot. In his song "Say What you Need to Say", he uses the phrase "Say What you Need to Say" over THIRTY TIMES! I looked up the lyrics, and it's about 36. WHAT THE FUCK?!?!!? Of course I have to hear it every friggin' day at work, and it makes me want to drive to his house and make him gargle broken glass so he can't hurt anybody with his music anymore!

Don't even get me started on his cover of "Free Falling"

2. "If I Were a Boy" - Is this Beyonce's secret wish to be a lesbian? If you were a boy you'd be a better man? You're so perfect at being a woman that you can now show men how worthless they are by being the perfect man? Plus, she sounds like a cat being strangled.

3. Live-Action programming on Adult Swim - You are called THE CARTOON NETWORK for a reason. Your live shows SUCK, especially "Tim & Eric, Awesome Show, Great Job". Who actually watches this crap? There aren't enough drugs in the world! You cancelled Frisky Dingo, Lucy Daughter of the Devil, and lost Futurama to Comedy Central, but you still have The Mighty Boosh, The Office (British)*, and Saul of the Molemen?!?!?!? BLURGH!

4. Dumb-Ass Grammar Mistakes in "Educated" People - You do not use an apostrophe just because a word is plural. Ex. I have two cat's. You use it to show POSSESSION. Those are my cat's toys. Also, your and you're. Ex. Your thirty years old. FUCKTARD! There are many more that I can't think of off the top of my head.

5. Unnecessary Facebook Updates - I don't care if you are watching TV. I don't care if you are brushing your teeth. I don't care if you are watching a movie with your husband. I don't care about the minutia of your every-day life. That's why I will NEVER have a Twitter account. I should start announcing when I'm taking a crap, or masturbating. Facebook and Twitter are for narcissists. I especially hate the "feel sorry for me and tell me how wonderful I am" posts. Ex. "I hate that I am always alone." Get over yourself.

*I do enjoy the British Office, but it has been out on DVD for years, so it's not like they're showing anything new.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Random Crap That Pisses Me Off

  1. Fucking Yuppies that cut in front of me in line at Tazikis. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE GUY IN ORANGE PLAID SHIRT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And then you cut in front of me AGAIN at the drink fountain?!?!?!?! I hope your kids put you in the state-run nursing home where they beat you every night.
  2. People who are wearing heavy sweaters, long pants, and flip-flops. WHY????? Don't your feet get cold? Are you some kind of alien?
  3. Purse dogs. It's a dog, not a cat. Let it walk around or it will grow up to be anti-social and try to bite the shit out of me.
  4. Alabama's dumbass weather. STOP RAINING ALREADY!!!!!
  5. Crocs. Especially winter crocs with fleece lining. On men. What could possibly make me want to fuck you less?
  6. People who say, "My dog won't do that!" Well they won't with that attitude asshole!
  7. Right now, pretty much everything and everybody.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Fucking Pajiba

Fucking Pajiba and their cannonball read making me start a blog...

52 books in one year. Not that hard right? Only a book a week

Of course I work a billion hours a week, volunteer for a dog rescue, practice roller derby, knit, do yoga, and take care of my 7 dogs, 2 cats, and leopard gecko.

This may be harder than I thought.