CBR IV: Book 50: The Hobbit - J.R.R. Tolkien

*Audiobook Review*

My dad used to read the Hobbit to me as a kid.  I grew up on Tolkien.  I hadn't read the book in about 20 years, so when they added the unabridged audiobook to Audible, I thought it was about time to catch back up with Bilbo, Gandalf, and the dwarves.

Bilbo Baggins is a typical, unassuming Hobbit, just chilling out in the Shire.  One day he gets an unexpected visit from the wizard, Gandalf.  Then a bunch of dwarves show up and off Bilbo is coerced into going on a quest to rescue the dwarven gold from the evil dragon Smaug.  It's a cute story, with some interesting characters.  Obviously there is Gollum, the creature who sits in the dark and obsesses over his "precious".  The riddle scene between him and Bilbo was always one of my favorites.  There is also Beorn, a kind of were-bear who aids Bilbo and his companions.

I really enjoy this story.  After all, this is the granddaddy of epic fantasy.  Without The Hobbit, there would be no Lord of the Rings, and without that, there would be no Dresden Files, no Game of Thrones, no Harry Potter.  However, I am just not a fan of Tolkien's writing.  I can never make it through all of the Lord of the Rings, no matter how hard I try. There are too many damn songs.  I hate reading poetry, and reading songs is just torture for me.  The dwarves sing about their treasure, the elves sing to Bilbo's party, Bilbo sings to the spiders, and on, and on, and on.  Just get on with it!

This is not nearly as epic as The  Lord of the Rings.  I believe this was originally written as a children's book.   I haven't seen the new Hobbit movie - I'm planning on going next week.  I just don't see why they made this into 3 movies (other than an obvious cash grab).  I'm just glad I get to watch some more Ian McKellan as Gandalf.

4/5 Stars

CBR IV: Book 52: 14 - Peter Clines - CANNONBALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

*Audiobook Review*

It's interesting that the quote on the front of the book mentions Lost, because I felt that this book suffered from the same problems:  it started out great, then couldn't figure out what to do with the premise.  The less you know about this book going in, the better. 

Nate has a low-paying data entry job and moves into a new apartment.  It seems too good to be true.  The rent is super cheap, and it even includes utilities.  There are just a lot of...oddities.  Like bright-green cockroaches.  With extra legs.  Locked doors that seem to lead to nowhere.  General weirdness.  

Overall, I liked this book, but I felt that the ending was kind of....nutso.  Also, even though the characters all were very vivid and had a lot of backstory, there were too damn many of them.  I couldn't care less about Nate's crappy temp job, and it did virtually nothing to contribute to the story.  However, the mystery of the building was intriguing and I found myself searching for opportunities to listen to this book.  I would recommend it to anyone who likes their sci-fi with a dash of horror.

4/5 Stars

Oh, by the way...

CANNONBALL!!!!!!

Third time was a charm.

CBR IV: Book 51: How to Run a Dog Business: Putting Your Career Where Your Heart Is - Veronica Boutelle

This is a book that is really only for professional dog trainers, but I need every credit I can get for my 52 books, dammit!

I've been a dog trainer for 4 1/2 years now, and I am constantly trying to better myself.  Instead of reading yet another book about clicker training, or behavior modification, I decided to read one about the business aspects of my...business.  I hate selling myself.  I guess my self-esteem is too low, which is weird because I'm also a bit of an egomaniac. "Your dog will obey me because I have awesome psychic connections with animals!!!! Mwa ha ha ha!!!!!"  Not really.  OK, maybe.

Veronica Boutelle has some great advice on setting limits so your personal life doesn't get swallowed up.  She also recommends that you spend at least 30% of your time on marketing.  She has advice on all of the legalities involved in starting your own businesses such as which licences you may need and how to get liability insurance.  This was a very useful book, and I got a lot of great ideas.

4/5 Stars

CBR IV: Book 49: Mr. Penumbra's 24-Hour Bookstore - Robin Sloan

*Audiobook Review*

Clay is a web-designer who has lost his job in San Francisco.  Since the recession, he has had a hard time finding a job in his chosen field.  Then he stumbles on the night clerk position at Mr. Penumbra's 24-Hour Bookstore.  His new job seems rather pointless.  There are few late night customers, except the eccentric regulars who madly rush in, demand a particular book, then dash out.  Those customers don't even buy books, they loan them.  Then there is Mr. Penumbra.  He's like a slightly daffier Professor Dumbledore.  Mystery starts, zany, mad-cap adventures ensue.

This is one of those books that I really enjoyed while reading it, but afterwards, the more I thought about it, the more unsatisfying I found the ending to be.  This book has been getting rave reviews, but I really felt like it was The DaVinci Code by way of Google.  Seriously, did Google pay to be mentioned in this book?  I have a drinking game for you. Step One: Drink every time somebody says the word Google.  Step Two: Die.

All in all, this was a pleasantly diverting read, but pretty forgettable.  It is not something that I am going to insist that people read,  unlike Gone Girl.  Have you read Gone Girl yet?  WHY NOT?!?!? Do you hate things that are good?

3/5 Stars

CBR IV: Book 48: The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood

Somehow, I had never even heard of this book until last year's Cannonball Read.  The premise is intriguing.  In the not-too-distant future, a Puritanical religious group has overthrown the United States and formed the Republic of Gilead.  Women are no longer allowed to read, and are divided into classes based on their ability to breed.  The main character, Offred, is a Handmaid.  Basically she is the mistress of a powerful Commander and once a month she has to have sex with him while laying in the arms of his wife.  If a child is born, the Commander and his wife will keep it, and she will be sent to a new household and attempt to do it again. Sex is strictly for procreation.  There is no romance, and certainly no illicit love affairs.  There are public executions, and the bodies of priests, nuns, and doctors are left to rot along the town walls.

Offred finds a carving inside her closet that was left by the previous Handmaid.  It says, "Nolite te bastardes carborundorum" which means "Don't let the bastards get you down".  The previous Handmaid must not have heeded her own advice, because she hung herself.  This story is bleak, but it is engrossing.  I couldn't put this one down.  This one is a classic for a reason.

I read a lot of post-apocalyptic or dystopian books this year: Mockingjay, World War Z and Robopocalypse.  However, this was by far the most terrifying.  In a society where women who have been raped are forced to undergo transvaginal ultrasounds to get an abortion, or doctors have the right to not tell the mother if her pregnancy may kill her, this story doesn't seem too farfetched.

5/5 Stars

CBR IV: Book 47: The Phantom Tollbooth - Norton Juster

"You'll find that the only thing you can do easily is be wrong, and that's hardly worth the effort."

Milo is a young boy who is bored by everything in his life.  One day, he comes home and finds a mysterious package.  Inside is a miniature tollbooth and a map.  He gets into his play car, drives through the tollbooth, and suddenly finds himself in the kingdom of Wisdom.  He visits the city of Dictionopolis where words are of the utmost importance.  Then he travels to the city of Digitopolis where numbers reign supreme.  The two cities have been feuding over which is more important.  Nothing has been right in Wisdom since the Princesses Rhyme and Reason were banished.  Milo is sent on a hero's quest to restore Rhyme and Reason.

I loved this book as a child, but I think I appreciate it more as an adult.  I definitely get more of the puns and the metaphors.  There is an island named Conclusions that you can only get to by jumping.  The people in Dictionopolis literally eat their words.

I can't tell you how many times I read this book as a child.  The Phantom Tollbooth was originally published in 1961 and the story still stands up.  It is truly timeless.  It is difficult to review a book that is so widely revered.  As I have said before, I suck at articulating why I like something.  If I think something is terrible, I can tell you in excruciating detail why.  It has taken me 2 months to write this review.  If you have somehow managed to make it this far in your life, you still owe it to yourself to pick it up.  Don't dismiss it as "just for kids".  You would be doing the book and yourself a disservice.

5/5 Stars

CBR IV: Book 46: The Rook - Daniel O'Malley

Thanks to everyone who recommended this book.  It was fantastic.  I read it like a crack head needing their next fix.  I devoured all 400+ pages in about 5 days.

One rainy afternoon Myfanwy Thomas wakes up in a park and she is surrounded by dead bodies.  She doesn't know how she got there, or even who she is.  She finds a note in the coat she is wearing, telling her what her name is, and that she has the choice to go and live under an alias, knowing she will never find out who erased her memory, or to continue to live as Myfanwy Thomas and find out who did this to her.  Luckily for us, she picks option two.

It turns out that Myfanwy works for a branch of the British Government that is in charge of the supernatural, and more importantly, keeping the general public unaware that the supernatural exists.  Also, most of the employees have supernatural abilities.  Myfanwy can manipulate other people's nervous systems.  Basically, she can kill someone with her mind!  The old Myfanwy had to directly touch people to do it, but she was also a bit of a wuss.  The new Myfanwy is a total bad-ass.  Even better, she's a smart-ass.

This is a great sci-fi detective story, with tons of interesting characters.  Of course there is room for a sequel, but I would definitely read it.  This is the book that Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children desperately wants to be.

5/5 Stars.

CBR IV: Book 45: Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things - Randy O. Frost & Gail Steketee

*Audiobook Review*

I love watching Hoarders.  I am seriously addicted to it.  The more disgusting the hoard, the more fascinated I become.  I just don't understand what drives a person to value 20-year-old unread newspapers more than their family members.  People on Hoarders have had their homes condemned, been forced to move to homeless shelters, or even had their children taken away by Child Protective Services.  When I saw there was a book about hoarding, I knew I had to read it.

Stuff does a good job explaining the reasons why people become hoarders.  They tend to have had an unhappy childhood, and many of the hoarders lost a loved one in a traumatic fashion.  They hold onto possessions because they can't seem to hold on to people.  They seem to be perfectionists who would rather do nothing than risk doing something wrong, and they seem incapable of making decisions.

I am generally a messy person.  I don't hoard dead animals, and I throw the trash away, but I definitely get overwhelmed trying to clean my house.  Between my ADD and my perfectionism, sometimes it seems an impossible task.  Lately I discovered the blog, "Unfuck Your Habitat" which has helped me get on track with my cleaning, but I continue to watch Hoarders and think, "There, but for the grace of God, go I."

4/5 Stars.

CBR IV: Book 44: The Second Empress: A Novel of Napoleon's Court - Michelle Moran

*Audiobook Review*

Ahh, Historical Fiction.  The genre with which I have the strongest love/hate relationship.  Difficult to do properly, and incredibly easy to dissolve into a bodice-ripping romance novel.  However, the ones that are good tend to be worth the effort of seeking them out.

This book has three narrators and each chapter alternates between the three: Marie-Louise, Napoleon's second wife,  Pauline Borghese, Napoleon's Sister, and Paul, Pauline's half-black Haitian servant.

Napoleon was a total dick.  He was completely obsessed with being seen as the rightful Emperor of France, so for his second marriage, he demanded the hand of the nineteen-year-old Austrian Archduchess, Marie-Louise.  He figured that a princess of the incredibly prolific Hapsburg line would give him the son and heir that his first wife, Josephine, could not.  Of course, she is already in love with someone else, so there can be the obligatory "tortured lovers" angle.

Pauline is nuts.  She is completely obsessed with Egypt, and wants to marry her brother, Napoleon, just like the Pharaohs did.  She hated Josephine, because she was jealous of her, and she hates Marie-Louise, because she could possibly give Napoleon a son.  She has had dozens of lovers, and uses old ladies as footstools.  

Paul is boring.  His chapters contribute little to the story, other than to show what crazy crap Pauline was up to.  I really didn't care about anything that happened to him.

This novel was OK.  Not something I would really recommend, but it kept me entertained while driving to work and doing the dishes.  Michelle Moran's Madame Tussaud was a much better novel.

2/5 Stars.