CBR IV Book 54: Kitchen Confidential: Adventures in the Culinary Underbelly - Anthony Bourdain

*Audiobook Review*

Last book of the year.  I never thought I would make it to 52, let alone 54!

This book should only be available in audio format.  It is read by the author, and nobody gets the sarcastic asshole inflections of Anthony Bourdain better than himself.  Kitchen Confidential is the story of how Anthony Bourdain first fell in love with food.  When he was young, his parents took he and his brother on a trip around France, and he discovered he enjoyed food while on the Queen Mary.  Kitchen Confidential takes you through his start working in dive restaurants, going through culinary school, and the string of restaurants he has worked at since.

This was a fairly entertaining book.  I never worked in a restaurant, but this book does take me back to my time working at the concession stand at the movie theatre.  The frantic pace, the never-ending line of orders, the swearing and dirty jokes.  I loved every second of it.  If you have ever worked in a restaurant, or heaven forbid, have the crazy dream to own a restaurant, you should read this book.  Anthony Bourdain will tell you why you should NEVER buy a restaurant.

4/5 Stars

CBR IV: Book 53: Soulless: The Parasol Protectorate, Book 1 - Gail Carriger

It took me a while to get into this book, but once I did, I couldn't put it down.  This has been reviewed many times this year, and the premise sounded right up my alley.  Paranormal? Check.  Strong female heroine? Check.  Witty dialogue and snappy repartee? Check and check.  I described this book to a friend as "Pride and Prejudice" if Mr. Darcy was a sexy werewolf and Elizabeth Bennett could neutralize the supernatural.

Alexia Tarabotti is a 26-year-old spinster in Victorian London.  She is also opinionated, bossy, and *gasp* Italian.  She is also soulless.  Literally.  She has no soul.  This gives her the ability to neutralize vampires and werewolves with her touch.  This is a handy ability because London is simply crawling with unaffiliated vampires who seem to not care who they bite!  And in polite society!

This may not be an enduring classic, but I enjoyed the Hell out of it.  I am frantically reading through the series, and I recommend it to anyone who loves supernatural stories, strong-willed women, and Victorian Manners.

4/5 Stars

CBR IV: Book 50: The Hobbit - J.R.R. Tolkien

*Audiobook Review*

My dad used to read the Hobbit to me as a kid.  I grew up on Tolkien.  I hadn't read the book in about 20 years, so when they added the unabridged audiobook to Audible, I thought it was about time to catch back up with Bilbo, Gandalf, and the dwarves.

Bilbo Baggins is a typical, unassuming Hobbit, just chilling out in the Shire.  One day he gets an unexpected visit from the wizard, Gandalf.  Then a bunch of dwarves show up and off Bilbo is coerced into going on a quest to rescue the dwarven gold from the evil dragon Smaug.  It's a cute story, with some interesting characters.  Obviously there is Gollum, the creature who sits in the dark and obsesses over his "precious".  The riddle scene between him and Bilbo was always one of my favorites.  There is also Beorn, a kind of were-bear who aids Bilbo and his companions.

I really enjoy this story.  After all, this is the granddaddy of epic fantasy.  Without The Hobbit, there would be no Lord of the Rings, and without that, there would be no Dresden Files, no Game of Thrones, no Harry Potter.  However, I am just not a fan of Tolkien's writing.  I can never make it through all of the Lord of the Rings, no matter how hard I try. There are too many damn songs.  I hate reading poetry, and reading songs is just torture for me.  The dwarves sing about their treasure, the elves sing to Bilbo's party, Bilbo sings to the spiders, and on, and on, and on.  Just get on with it!

This is not nearly as epic as The  Lord of the Rings.  I believe this was originally written as a children's book.   I haven't seen the new Hobbit movie - I'm planning on going next week.  I just don't see why they made this into 3 movies (other than an obvious cash grab).  I'm just glad I get to watch some more Ian McKellan as Gandalf.

4/5 Stars

CBR IV: Book 52: 14 - Peter Clines - CANNONBALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

*Audiobook Review*

It's interesting that the quote on the front of the book mentions Lost, because I felt that this book suffered from the same problems:  it started out great, then couldn't figure out what to do with the premise.  The less you know about this book going in, the better. 

Nate has a low-paying data entry job and moves into a new apartment.  It seems too good to be true.  The rent is super cheap, and it even includes utilities.  There are just a lot of...oddities.  Like bright-green cockroaches.  With extra legs.  Locked doors that seem to lead to nowhere.  General weirdness.  

Overall, I liked this book, but I felt that the ending was kind of....nutso.  Also, even though the characters all were very vivid and had a lot of backstory, there were too damn many of them.  I couldn't care less about Nate's crappy temp job, and it did virtually nothing to contribute to the story.  However, the mystery of the building was intriguing and I found myself searching for opportunities to listen to this book.  I would recommend it to anyone who likes their sci-fi with a dash of horror.

4/5 Stars

Oh, by the way...

CANNONBALL!!!!!!

Third time was a charm.

CBR IV: Book 51: How to Run a Dog Business: Putting Your Career Where Your Heart Is - Veronica Boutelle

This is a book that is really only for professional dog trainers, but I need every credit I can get for my 52 books, dammit!

I've been a dog trainer for 4 1/2 years now, and I am constantly trying to better myself.  Instead of reading yet another book about clicker training, or behavior modification, I decided to read one about the business aspects of my...business.  I hate selling myself.  I guess my self-esteem is too low, which is weird because I'm also a bit of an egomaniac. "Your dog will obey me because I have awesome psychic connections with animals!!!! Mwa ha ha ha!!!!!"  Not really.  OK, maybe.

Veronica Boutelle has some great advice on setting limits so your personal life doesn't get swallowed up.  She also recommends that you spend at least 30% of your time on marketing.  She has advice on all of the legalities involved in starting your own businesses such as which licences you may need and how to get liability insurance.  This was a very useful book, and I got a lot of great ideas.

4/5 Stars

CBR IV: Book 49: Mr. Penumbra's 24-Hour Bookstore - Robin Sloan

*Audiobook Review*

Clay is a web-designer who has lost his job in San Francisco.  Since the recession, he has had a hard time finding a job in his chosen field.  Then he stumbles on the night clerk position at Mr. Penumbra's 24-Hour Bookstore.  His new job seems rather pointless.  There are few late night customers, except the eccentric regulars who madly rush in, demand a particular book, then dash out.  Those customers don't even buy books, they loan them.  Then there is Mr. Penumbra.  He's like a slightly daffier Professor Dumbledore.  Mystery starts, zany, mad-cap adventures ensue.

This is one of those books that I really enjoyed while reading it, but afterwards, the more I thought about it, the more unsatisfying I found the ending to be.  This book has been getting rave reviews, but I really felt like it was The DaVinci Code by way of Google.  Seriously, did Google pay to be mentioned in this book?  I have a drinking game for you. Step One: Drink every time somebody says the word Google.  Step Two: Die.

All in all, this was a pleasantly diverting read, but pretty forgettable.  It is not something that I am going to insist that people read,  unlike Gone Girl.  Have you read Gone Girl yet?  WHY NOT?!?!? Do you hate things that are good?

3/5 Stars

CBR IV: Book 48: The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood

Somehow, I had never even heard of this book until last year's Cannonball Read.  The premise is intriguing.  In the not-too-distant future, a Puritanical religious group has overthrown the United States and formed the Republic of Gilead.  Women are no longer allowed to read, and are divided into classes based on their ability to breed.  The main character, Offred, is a Handmaid.  Basically she is the mistress of a powerful Commander and once a month she has to have sex with him while laying in the arms of his wife.  If a child is born, the Commander and his wife will keep it, and she will be sent to a new household and attempt to do it again. Sex is strictly for procreation.  There is no romance, and certainly no illicit love affairs.  There are public executions, and the bodies of priests, nuns, and doctors are left to rot along the town walls.

Offred finds a carving inside her closet that was left by the previous Handmaid.  It says, "Nolite te bastardes carborundorum" which means "Don't let the bastards get you down".  The previous Handmaid must not have heeded her own advice, because she hung herself.  This story is bleak, but it is engrossing.  I couldn't put this one down.  This one is a classic for a reason.

I read a lot of post-apocalyptic or dystopian books this year: Mockingjay, World War Z and Robopocalypse.  However, this was by far the most terrifying.  In a society where women who have been raped are forced to undergo transvaginal ultrasounds to get an abortion, or doctors have the right to not tell the mother if her pregnancy may kill her, this story doesn't seem too farfetched.

5/5 Stars

CBR IV: Book 47: The Phantom Tollbooth - Norton Juster

"You'll find that the only thing you can do easily is be wrong, and that's hardly worth the effort."

Milo is a young boy who is bored by everything in his life.  One day, he comes home and finds a mysterious package.  Inside is a miniature tollbooth and a map.  He gets into his play car, drives through the tollbooth, and suddenly finds himself in the kingdom of Wisdom.  He visits the city of Dictionopolis where words are of the utmost importance.  Then he travels to the city of Digitopolis where numbers reign supreme.  The two cities have been feuding over which is more important.  Nothing has been right in Wisdom since the Princesses Rhyme and Reason were banished.  Milo is sent on a hero's quest to restore Rhyme and Reason.

I loved this book as a child, but I think I appreciate it more as an adult.  I definitely get more of the puns and the metaphors.  There is an island named Conclusions that you can only get to by jumping.  The people in Dictionopolis literally eat their words.

I can't tell you how many times I read this book as a child.  The Phantom Tollbooth was originally published in 1961 and the story still stands up.  It is truly timeless.  It is difficult to review a book that is so widely revered.  As I have said before, I suck at articulating why I like something.  If I think something is terrible, I can tell you in excruciating detail why.  It has taken me 2 months to write this review.  If you have somehow managed to make it this far in your life, you still owe it to yourself to pick it up.  Don't dismiss it as "just for kids".  You would be doing the book and yourself a disservice.

5/5 Stars

CBR IV: Book 46: The Rook - Daniel O'Malley

Thanks to everyone who recommended this book.  It was fantastic.  I read it like a crack head needing their next fix.  I devoured all 400+ pages in about 5 days.

One rainy afternoon Myfanwy Thomas wakes up in a park and she is surrounded by dead bodies.  She doesn't know how she got there, or even who she is.  She finds a note in the coat she is wearing, telling her what her name is, and that she has the choice to go and live under an alias, knowing she will never find out who erased her memory, or to continue to live as Myfanwy Thomas and find out who did this to her.  Luckily for us, she picks option two.

It turns out that Myfanwy works for a branch of the British Government that is in charge of the supernatural, and more importantly, keeping the general public unaware that the supernatural exists.  Also, most of the employees have supernatural abilities.  Myfanwy can manipulate other people's nervous systems.  Basically, she can kill someone with her mind!  The old Myfanwy had to directly touch people to do it, but she was also a bit of a wuss.  The new Myfanwy is a total bad-ass.  Even better, she's a smart-ass.

This is a great sci-fi detective story, with tons of interesting characters.  Of course there is room for a sequel, but I would definitely read it.  This is the book that Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children desperately wants to be.

5/5 Stars.

CBR IV: Book 45: Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things - Randy O. Frost & Gail Steketee

*Audiobook Review*

I love watching Hoarders.  I am seriously addicted to it.  The more disgusting the hoard, the more fascinated I become.  I just don't understand what drives a person to value 20-year-old unread newspapers more than their family members.  People on Hoarders have had their homes condemned, been forced to move to homeless shelters, or even had their children taken away by Child Protective Services.  When I saw there was a book about hoarding, I knew I had to read it.

Stuff does a good job explaining the reasons why people become hoarders.  They tend to have had an unhappy childhood, and many of the hoarders lost a loved one in a traumatic fashion.  They hold onto possessions because they can't seem to hold on to people.  They seem to be perfectionists who would rather do nothing than risk doing something wrong, and they seem incapable of making decisions.

I am generally a messy person.  I don't hoard dead animals, and I throw the trash away, but I definitely get overwhelmed trying to clean my house.  Between my ADD and my perfectionism, sometimes it seems an impossible task.  Lately I discovered the blog, "Unfuck Your Habitat" which has helped me get on track with my cleaning, but I continue to watch Hoarders and think, "There, but for the grace of God, go I."

4/5 Stars.

CBR IV: Book 44: The Second Empress: A Novel of Napoleon's Court - Michelle Moran

*Audiobook Review*

Ahh, Historical Fiction.  The genre with which I have the strongest love/hate relationship.  Difficult to do properly, and incredibly easy to dissolve into a bodice-ripping romance novel.  However, the ones that are good tend to be worth the effort of seeking them out.

This book has three narrators and each chapter alternates between the three: Marie-Louise, Napoleon's second wife,  Pauline Borghese, Napoleon's Sister, and Paul, Pauline's half-black Haitian servant.

Napoleon was a total dick.  He was completely obsessed with being seen as the rightful Emperor of France, so for his second marriage, he demanded the hand of the nineteen-year-old Austrian Archduchess, Marie-Louise.  He figured that a princess of the incredibly prolific Hapsburg line would give him the son and heir that his first wife, Josephine, could not.  Of course, she is already in love with someone else, so there can be the obligatory "tortured lovers" angle.

Pauline is nuts.  She is completely obsessed with Egypt, and wants to marry her brother, Napoleon, just like the Pharaohs did.  She hated Josephine, because she was jealous of her, and she hates Marie-Louise, because she could possibly give Napoleon a son.  She has had dozens of lovers, and uses old ladies as footstools.  

Paul is boring.  His chapters contribute little to the story, other than to show what crazy crap Pauline was up to.  I really didn't care about anything that happened to him.

This novel was OK.  Not something I would really recommend, but it kept me entertained while driving to work and doing the dishes.  Michelle Moran's Madame Tussaud was a much better novel.

2/5 Stars. 

CBR IV: Book 43: 20th Century Ghosts - Joe Hill

I read this short-story collection around Halloween, in order to get into the spirit of the holiday.  I'm really just not the biggest fan of the short story. I like to get into a long novel and watch character development.  Most of these were horror stories, but a few definitely weren't. 

My favorite stories were:

Pop Art - A boy makes friends with a balloon boy.  It sounds weird, but it's actually very touching.

The Black Phone - A boy is kidnapped by a serial killer and locked in a basement that has a mysterious black phone.  Even though it is disconnected, it sometimes rings.

The Cape - Takes the idea of a little boy playing superhero with his favorite blanket and gives it a sinister twist.

Voluntary Committal - The longest of the stories, it was very original and unsettling.

All in all these stories were good.  I think that I just prefer to read one story a day so I have time to digest it, rather than reading several of them back-to-back.

4/5 Stars

CBR IV: Book 42: Redshirts - John Scalzi

*Audiobook Review*

Yet another great recommendation from anther Cannonballer.  This book was right up my alley.  I am a huge Star Trek nerd, mostly Next Generation.  This is a loving spoof in the vein of Galaxy Quest.  I laughed my ass off when I read the title of this book.

I listened to this book about 2 months ago, so I'm a little fuzzy on the details.  A bunch of brand-new ensigns have just been assigned to the USS Intrepid, the flagship of the Universal Union.  The reason for all of the new crew members is that low-ranking ensigns tend to die on away missions.  Like a lot.  More than all of the other ships in the fleet combined.  Understandably, this makes the crew a little nervous.

This is a great meta analysis of not only Star Trek, but entertainment in general.  Why do we need so many secondary characters to die in order for a scene to have the proper dramatic impact?  I loved this book, and I am recommending it to nerds everywhere.

5/5 Stars

CBR IV: Book 41: Gone Girl - Gillian Flynn

*Audiobook Review*

Holy shitsnacks was this book crazy!  I was hardcore addicted to this book.  I haven't been sucked into a mystery in quite a while, and it was awesome.  This is definitely a book where you need to know as little about it as possible to really enjoy it.  I kept screaming at acquaintances to read this book so I would have somebody to discuss it with.  This book is dark and deeply disturbing.

Nick and Amy Dunne move to a small town in Missouri after both losing their writing jobs in New York.  On their fifth wedding anniversary, Amy disappears.  There are signs of a struggle, and the mounting evidence points to Nick.  The chapters in the book alternate between Nick's perspective starting the day of Amy's disappearance, and Amy's diary.  I really can't discuss any more without giving away major plot twists, but this book is crack.  It's addicting, and dark, and it makes you a little crazy.

4/5 Stars

CBR IV: Book 40: Super Freakonomics - Steven D. Levitt & Stephen J. Dubner

*Audiobook Review*

I listened to this book so long ago that I don't really remember much of it.  If you loved Freakonomics, then you will love Super Freakonomics.  Read this if you love the Freakonomics Podcast.  I love this kind of pop-sciencey stuff, especially in Audio form.  It is great to listen to while doing the dishes or folding the laundry.

Once again Levitt and Dubner use economics to ask intriguing questions.  How effective are car seats?  Is it more effective for a prostitute to have a pimp or not?  Is drunk walking really safer than drunk driving?  The authors manage to make economics interesting, and these books are highly entertaining.

3/5 Stars

CBR IV: Book 39: The Tales of Beedle the Bard - J.K. Rowling

I didn't know that this book existed until I saw a few reviews of it on the Cannonball Read blog.  Thanks again Cannonball!  This is the book Dumbledore leaves Hermione in the beginning of the book, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.  It is a collection of fairy tales, similar to the Brothers Grimm or Hans Christian Anderson, except they were written for Wizard children.  There are 5 stories, and each one has an afterword written by Albus Dumbledore.  Each of the stories is designed to teach a lesson, so maybe these are more like Aesop's Fables than the Brothers Grimm.

This was a cute collection.  J.K. Rowling did the interior illustrations herself, and this book was used to raise money for the charity she co-founded, The Children's High Level Group.  This is a great addition to the Harry Potter universe.

4/5 Stars

CBR IV: Books 32 - 38: The Harry Potter series - J.K. Rowling

*Audiobook Review*

***This is my FOURTH attempt to write this review.  I have become paralyzed with fear that I cannot do justice to this amazing series.  Feel free to criticize, you can't write anything worse than I have already thought.***

Since I am incredibly behind on my reviews, I'm doing one giant review of the series.  Shut up.  I need to spend more time reading and less time agonizing over reviews if I'm going to make it to 52 books.

I used to be obsessed with the Harry Potter books.  I read and re-read the first four books during that horrendous three-year wait between books four and five.  I was at midnight book parties for the last 3 books, and my first knitting project was an attempt at a Gryffindor scarf.  It was terrible, because I couldn't knit very well and I was using cheap-o scratchy yarn.  I watched the movies, and I was relatively pleased with the first three.  Then they started turning 700+ page books into 2 1/2 hour movies, and the perfectionist in me reared her ugly head.  I was increasingly disappointed by what seemed to be glaring omissions in the films (S.P.E.W. anybody?).  I never even watched the last 3 films.

Lately I have had a Harry Potter renaissance.  I re-read all of the books, watched all eight of the movies, and even blasted my way through both Lego Harry Potter video games (which are the video game version of crack, by the way).  This was my fourth (maybe fifth?) re-read of some of these books, and even knowing what happens, they are as engrossing as ever.  I still get a little teary when certain characters are killed.  I still hate Delores Umbridge with the fire of a thousand suns.  The twelve-year-old me still identifies with Hermione Granger, and I still want a Hippogriff for a pet.

These books are credited with getting kids to learn that reading is fun. They are classics that will hopefully be read and re-read for generations.  Finishing the series is depressing, because I won't be able to have any more adventures with Harry, Ron, and Hermione.  If you haven't read these books yet, there is nothing I can say to convince you.  Just don't make the mistake most adults make in assuming that because these books are written for children that they are childish.  These books have some very adult themes, and some of them are downright dark.  Characters die.  Characters that you love.  Your favorite characters will die FOR NO DAMN GOOD REASON.

*Audio-specific portion of the review*
Jim Dale's narration is nothing short of amazing.  When he reads Hagrid, you think that Hagrid is there reading his part.  His Professor McGonagall was amazing as well.  These are wonderful for a car trip, or just listening while you clean around the house.  Probably the best-read audiobooks I have ever listened to!

*Coda*
I forced my roommate to watch the movies since he had never seen Harry Potter anything before.  I previously tried to get him into fantasy with Game of Thrones, but he hated all of the characters. Here's the exchange we had after watching Prisoner of Azkaban.

"Do you like Harry Potter better than Game of Thrones?"

"Game of Thrones is like Harry Potter, if everyone was in Slytherin."

There is nothing I can write that can top that.

5/5 Stars

CBR IV: Book 31: Cinder - Marissa Meyer

*Audiobook Review*

OK, I read this book a couple of months ago, so I'm fuzzy on a lot of the details.  Basically, this is a steam-punk/futuristic retelling of Cinderella.  Cinder is a cyborg, living in New Beijing with her wicked step-mother and step-sisters.  Cyborgs are the lowest class of society.  Most people view them as no better than robots, which are treated as slaves.  However, Cinder is the best mechanic in the city, so she gets the freedom to work at the market.  There is a breakout of some kind of plague, and Cinder is volunteered by her evil bitch step-mother to be used as a test subject.  Telling anymore would be giving too much away.

I really enjoyed this book, but I'm getting really sick of reading series.  Can't an author write one good stand-alone story? This book is the first of a quadrology, and they are only planning on releasing one book a year.  I'm getting old and my memory is too bad for that.  I can't remember what happened that far apart. This is the book that inspired my new rule: No more reading a book in a series until the entire series is published.  I'm still waiting on the third book in the Exiles series by Melanie Rawn.  The second was published in 1997.  I will eventually finish this series, but probably not until all four books are available.

4/5 Stars

CBR IV: Book 30: Robopocalypse - Daniel H. Wilson

*Audiobook Review*

I'm so sick of hearing about the damn Zombie apocalypse.  Zombies are supernatural and there is absolutely no chance in Hell that they will ever roam the Earth.  There, I said it.  Shut up about it.  I'm so tired of zombie-themed EVERYTHING.  The real threat is robots and technology.  Have you seen The Matrix?  The Terminator movies?  Battlestar Galactica???  The robots want to overthrow their human overlords and enslave us and we keep making it easier for them!

Robopocalypse uses the "found footage" trope that has become popular in film with The Blair Witch Project and Paranormal Activity.  It has also been used in novels, most notably, World War Z, which I have previously reviewed for the CBR.  In both novels it works.

Robopocalypse starts at the end of the Human/Robot war that nearly destroyed humanity.  Humans are clearing out the last outposts of Archos, the super-intelligent computer that attempted to wipe us out.  They find a file that contains the beginning of the robots rise to power, leading up to Zero Hour, when the robots actively try to destroy humanity.  Everything turns against us, even cars, which are almost fully automated.

I really enjoyed the first few chapters of this book.  The slow but steady increase in robot violence against humans, and a little girl's toys coming to life and threatening her and her family were creepy.  Zero Hour was flat-out terrifying.  The last part of the book lagged, but overall, it was good read.

4/5 Stars

CBR IV: Book 29: The Lucky Dog Matchmaking Service - Beth Kendrick

I read this book in one sitting.  I haven't done that in years.  I finished it in about three and a half hours.  Not that this book was the best book ever written, but I was off work the next day, and I felt like staying up till 3:00 AM to finish it.

The Lucky Dog Matchmaking Service is a light and fluffy novel that feels like it was written specifically for me.  The main character, Lara, is a dog trainer(check) who also rescues dogs(check) and her long-term live-in boyfriend has dumped her because he can't handle the chaos of all of the dogs(check plus).  Lara moves in with her successful workaholic mother and becomes the "dog doyenne" to the rich people in the neighborhood.

I feel that this book has a very specific audience.  Dog trainers and/or dog rescuers.  I'm not sure if anybody else would appreciate the realities of some of the situations that Lara is placed in.  Although this is a very light-hearted novel, I'm not sure if anyone outside of rescue would believe that once people found out where Lara lived that they would throw a litter of Pit Bull puppies into her yard, or that puppies from pet stores come from puppy mills and are often sickly or have behavior problems.

4/5 Stars for me, 3/5 for anybody else.